ohpun

06:23 pm - my uterus

Last night artcarheather shrunk my uterus.

This is why I don't post on facebook. There aren't enough words to fully describe what happens.

We are creating art for a cancer awareness project. A friend of ours has uterine cancer and uterine cancer does not have the publicity that breast cancer does. Therefore we are creating uterine cancer awareness art. The ribbon for uterine cancer is teal. Which is awful because teal is not the easiest color to find. Anyway, as part of my project I wanted a badge of the uterus. So I stole acquired a picture from the internet and edited it. Then I printed it on inkjet friendly shrinkydink with ink intensity reduced as far as possible. I colored in the uterus with gold pen. Then artcarheather baked it in our toaster oven and it shrunk from approximately 8"x10" to 3"x4" The colors intensified so it looks perfect. The shrinking erased my coloring lines so the gold looks solid. I am very pleased. I will post a picture or two when it is done.

As a bonus, my 11yo son can now recognize a picture of a uterus and say "uterus" without embarassment.

07:37 pm - Poly Twister

At Convergence the local polyamory group had a floor with a twister pattern on it.  They got collections of people to play. It was the most disconnected version of twister I had ever seen with each person in their own little area. So, like the games geek that I am, I thought about how to make it a better game. So here are the rules:

--- start rules for Poly Twister by OhPun ----

Number of players: at least 4 to start, more can join the game in-progress
                           One referee is needed.

Equipment:

• Space:  An appropriately sized empty space where people can fall down without getting hurt is required.
• Card deck with all cards over 8 removed. Cards must be shuffled/cut/randomized in some way acceptable to everyone.
• Uniform sized paper slips to write names on (post-it notes)
• Writing implement (pen/pencil/crayon/etc.)
• Bowl for drawing names.

• A, 5 = right hand
• 2, 6 = left hand
• 3, 7 = right foot
• 4, 8 = left foot

Current Mood: geeky

11:15 am - Surgery results

Not good. The doctor was unable to find the big kidney stone and remove it. He was only able to remove one small kidney stone. Apparently I have a lot of "gravel" he could not get. I was in the hospital from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM because post op, I could not show that my system was working (due to dehydration). Drank 10 measuring  cups of water, 2 cans of pop, and a cup of hot tea, finally peed and they let me go. I don't remember anything after they started giving me happy drugs. Apparently I was coherent and talked, but I don't remember anything. I have a few flashes of the recovery room, but they are not clear.

I came home and slept.

My right arm is sore, like it got hit with something hard. I have other pains. For a minimally invasive surgery this was not fun nor successful.


It is always good when the surgeon signs his work.

( picture here )

Current Mood: sore

11:06 am - More surgery humor

My instructions for the surgery said "bring x-rays." However I did not have x-rays, I had a CT (computed axial tomography) scan (on a CD). It plays on Windows computers and is very cool. However, artcarheather  likes to collect x-rays. We put them in the windows during Halloween. So I decided to bring an x-ray of one of our (former) feline pets. When the doctor asks why I brought  it I will say "It's a CAT scan!"

Current Mood: amused

11:04 am - Surgery

I am going to have minor surgery this Friday. It is outpatient so I am also going home on Friday. artcarheather and I made up this song.

The Kidney Stone Song (to the tune of Itsy-Bitsy Spider)

The itsy-bitsy laser
goes up the water spout,
breaks up the stones
then the surgeon takes them out.

Up speaks the doctor,
"Remember all the pain?
If you don't change your diet,
you'll do this all again."

Current Mood: amused

02:05 pm - Mom's Twin Cities Memorial Service

My mom's memorial service will be on Sunday, Feb 1, at 1:00 PM at Mt. Zion Temple (1300 Summit Ave., St Paul, MN 55105-2601 651-698-3881).

If you won't be there and knew my mom, please take a moment at that time to think about her. If you did not know her, please take a moment to think about the people who have passed out of your life or better yet, contact someone you haven't talked to in a while.

Current Mood: exhausted

07:12 am - Busy today (Monday)

This was supposed to be posted Monday. This is not complaining, I'm just trying to lay out how my time has been spent.

Wednesday, January 14, drove back from Winnipeg with my sister. For work she needs a form signed by the doctor at the care facility where our mom was staying. They've had the form for a week, but it still was not signed. So we waited. Once we got the form we left. Stopped at the border. Had a drug dog sniff my mom's cremains. They asked if we were carrying large amounts of cash. My sister said she was, so they asked her to show them. She opened her wallet with the grocery coupons and counted her money. It was a little over $100. They said they were looking for thousands of dollars. Dropped her off at about one A.M. on Thursday.

Thursday and Friday at work. Talking on the phone with artcarheather about her mom's condition.

Thursday night, there is a busted pipe at my house so we have no water in the kitchen. Water is available in the bathroom. I can't go anywhere because I have no car. Friday, I manage a shopping trip on the bus. I  bought too much and all three grocery bags split before I  got home.

artcarheather 's mom is in a dirty hospital in Missouri. After several days, they have not sufficiently cleaned up the the spot where she vomited on the floor. So she wants to come back home. Unfortunately this is not medically necessary so insurance will not pay for it. A medical flight will cost $7,500 and that's the cheap one. We have also gotten quotes of $10,000 and $12,218. Try to arrange to get money for the flight. Martin Luther King Day (no banking, no stock market)  slows this process down. The fastest I can get the money from my retirement account is Thursday. Lots of back and forth calls with the retirement guy.

Fortunately, she is deemed stable enough to be transferred to a rehab facility. So I arrange for time off from work (Wed and Thurs), and leave early on Tuesday to pick up a rental van. We need a second driver, so our friend Gidget comes along. Due to the rental getting stuck in the snow (20 feet from the entry to my alley) we get started late. artcarheather calls to say that despite everything being arranged (we thought) , they are having trouble with the rehab facility. We decide to leave anyway and hope that everything gets resolved by the time we arrive. Twelve hours to drive down, including a shopping trip to buy an air mattress and  bedding in Des Moines. I missed a turn so we took the long route through Ottumwa. We arrive in Columbia just before midnight.

The next morning artcarheather and I picked up her mom at the hospital while Gidget and the kiddo picked up the dog in the WalMart parking lot. The woman at the pound in Booneville did not want to send the dog back by Greyhound, so she drove the dog over to us. She was very kind. We got started around 8:00 A.M. which was two hours later than the rehab people wanted. Instructions were to shift artcarheather 's mom every two hours. We shifted her more frequently than that. It took a while to find a good schedule for her pain meds. Even when she was asleep, she jolted awake from the pain when we went over a bridge. It took us twelve hours to complete the drive back.  So in 48 hours I spent 24 of them on the road.

So where did we take her? The rehab facility is on the 9th floor of the hospital. So we took her to the same hospital that it would have cost $7,500 for the medical flight. After we got artcarheather 's mom into the hospital, Gidget drove the kiddo (in our van) back over to our house, then artcarheather drove Gidget home.

The next day (Friday) before work, I cleaned out the van. After work we returned it to the rental place. Nice folks.

All of the stuff that was in artcarheather 's Mom's car is now in our van. Yesterday (Sunday) we decided to drop it all off at her house. Her kitchen was actively flooding when we arrived. There was about an inch of flowing water on the floor, running down into the basement and also leaking down through the floor so it appeared to be raining in the basement. I shut off the water. The van is still full.

This morning I got up and went to work. artcarheather 's Mom had surgery on her broken (left) foot. They had to immobilize all the toes. The right foot only had bone chips so they put a cast on it to support it. She can put weight on that foot.

During the morning artcarheather  arranged for blowers to be put into her mom's house to dry it out. The contractor, insurance adjuster, and mold inspector will be out tomorrow.

At 1 PM, I was on a speaker phone with my sister and the local rabbi to arrange our Mom's funeral in the Twin Cities. She will be buried in a private ceremony in the spring. Talking with the rabbi took an hour.

The funeral will be on Sunday, Feb 1, at 1:00 PM at Mt. Zion Temple (1300 Summit Ave., St Paul, MN 55105-2601 651-698-3881).

I tried to fix the dishwasher at our house when I got home, but I could not get it out from under the counter.

Tuesday update:   Mom-in-law is in a lot of pain from the surgery and running a slight fever.

Wed:   meeting with the contractor who did not show up when expected.

Current Mood: exhausted

01:29 pm - Mom's obituary

Current Mood: sad

01:05 pm - Mom made the sports section

In the Winnepeg Free Press, obituaries are in the sports section. Not exactly where we expected to find them.
It was exactly as we wrote it and I will post it later.

My mom's first funeral will be Tuesday (that's tomorrow) at 2:00 P.M. at  Temple Shalom, 1077 Grant Ave. in Winnepeg, MB, Canada.

We were going to have the next funeral (and burial) in the Twin Cities this week, but while we were making funeral arrangements, artcarheather called and told me that her mom was in an accident in Missouri. We don't know what happend except that she crossed to the other side of the road/highway and was hit by an oncoming car. She broke her hip (femur is okay, but the socket was split) and broke her arm. Apparently the car is totaled. The accident occured near Springfield. The doctors in Booneville thought she needed better care so she was moved to the University of Missouri Hospital in Columbia. Apparently she got out of surgery last night. artcarheather is on her way to take care of her mom and rescue the family dog that was in the car with her (now being held at the local pound, I assume in Booneville).

Since we are not sure what is going to happen next, my sister and I are not making plans for our Mom's next funeral.

Current Mood: sad

10:58 am - Mom died

I could not get on a plane because I have no passport. I could not get the necessary documentation (passport in process) quickly enough. So I drove up to Winnepeg (10 hours including food and rest breaks) and arrived late last night. The border crossing with driver's license and birth certificate went smoothly. This ends June1, 2009 when passports will be needed. My sister said that Mom talked to her before she left the Hospice/Health Care Center. Since it was late a night and I was tired, I decided to visit in the morning. Don't make the same mistake I did. Visit while you can.  We got a call at about 5:10 A.M. this morning that she passed away in her sleep at about 5:00 A.M. She looked very peaceful, as if she had been asleep and died in mid-snore.

She will be creamated. The earliest memorial service we can arrange in Winnepeg is Tuesday. There will be another memorial/burial service in the Twin Cities in the near future.

Current Mood: sad

09:10 am - Vampire detection

The latest health fad is checking your levels of vitamin D. Given the indoor nature of my work (we don't even have windows) and how seldom I get outside, I'm surprised that I'm only a little low. My vampire spouse,  on  the other hand, gets prescription vitamin D. You (the you what is reading this) may want to have your SO's (ha ha, yes I noticed that it is S.O.S) vitamin D level checked to see if they have any vampire tendencies for their health.

12:12 pm - Unintentional humor

As we were driving around looking for a restaurant to eat at, our older kiddo read a sign and said she would like some Lesbonese food. We corrected her pronunciation to Lebanese, but still I was amused.

Current Mood: amused

11:14 am - How to meet your local police

The RNC is in town (that's Republican National Convention* for those who are not all acronym trendy) so The Unconvetion is having a parade (actually the parade was yesterday). Since we (art cars) could not afford our own parade, we decided to join in their parade. From California, the missle truck
( Read more, see pictures... )

Current Mood: amused

12:13 pm - musing by design

Recently, artcarheather and I participated in the local Art Car Parade Tour with yet another temporary art car. So the night before, we gathered supplies, crayons and temporary markers, then started on the van. The reason I'm writing about this at all is because of how well it went. I see so much art that is not well executed. However, in about six hours (9 PM - 3 AM) we had covered the van and it looked good. We were working in a parking lot to have light and several people stopped to comment appreciatively. Around 2 PM we were kind of fading so the last panel was less interesting than the others, but it still was okay. Despite multiple people working on it, the van looked like a single cohesive idea. The design was pleasing and well executed. I have seen other art cars that took years to reach this level of themed completeness. So often, people only comment when they have issues or troubles. This project went so smoothly that I barely noticed how easy it was and how well it turned out. I just take it for granted that artcarheather and I can do a large project like this in one night. So it occurred to me that I should comment on it.

Pictures. I hear clamoring for pictures. Unfortunately, it rained before I took pictures and the "rain resistant" marker did not resist the rain. Our wedding cake topper (a transparent couple dancing, picked out by the kiddos) is still glued to the hood. There is a faint image still on the hood, but the rest is gone. Someday, in a different post, you will get pictures of the second more permanent version of this design.

Current Mood: artistic

10:50 pm - From the mouth of babes

As I was driving my son back to the ex's he said:

"I don't know if I'm gay, straight, or I just don't like people."

Current Mood: amused

09:20 am - Wedding Ceremony

This ceremony was written by artcarheather and ohpun . It was completed by elisem who could not perform the ceremony. Our friend M (no LJ) stepped in and graciously read what we had written with a few of her own tweaks.

A.Welcome

Folks, gather ‘round here, and we’ll get this show on the road.

artcarheather and ohpun, we are all here today to officially recognize what already is.
You are a real family.  Today we celebrate that fact.
People here today, as well as people who aren’t able to be here today,
Are all wishing you well.  We’ve gathered here to celebrate,
and to witness your promises to each other.

This is where your life journeys have brought you,
And this is where you are.
Art cars, and altered art class teaching,
Teasing your relatives with Photoshop tricks,
Being parents.
Work, and life,
East Enders, and serial novels
And computers and writing poetry and other stuff too.
Your lives have brought you here, and you are taking time now
To recognize something that already is.

B. The first reading artcarheather and ohpun have chosen is:
The Invitation by  Oriah Mountain Dreaming

[Please read by following the link. Thanks, ohpun ]

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

C. OK, cast your mind back to 1958 for a moment. 
Weddings looked a little different back then,
but some things stay the same –
and those things are the foundations of treating each other with respect,
the foundations of building a lasting relationship.

D. The second reading ohpun and artcarheather have chosen is the
 Preamble to Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward’s wedding vows
Las Vegas, Nevada; January 29, 1958

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage: The little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say 'I love you' at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

(And yes, they are still married.)

OK, so here we are, on the eighth day of June, here in Minneapolis.
There’s a little bit of June weather outside there.
It’s been warming up, and we’re on our way to summer.
We’re here surrounded by the Mississippi, a beautiful river,
And here we stand,
Ready to witness artcarheather and ohpun make their vows.

E. Vows  (repeat line by line)

                 , I promise
to love and care for you,
to talk to you and to listen to you,
to seek out joy and laughter with you
to work with you and protect you
and to build with you a house of peace.

F. Rings

elisem: Exchanging rings is an outward symbol of sharing the wealth of our inner lives.

ohpun: By this token, I share my life with you.
artcarheather: By this token I share my life with you.

G. Concluding the ceremony

elisem:  artcarheather and ohpun, look around at all assembled here,
And know that they are here to witness, and to wish you well.
Look at each other, and know that you are joined.

Friends, neighbors, and dear ones, I give you artcarheather and ohpun.

Current Mood: accomplished

10:50 pm - A tale of four officiants

Marriage successfully accomplished. Paperwork filed with the county. We will be receiving our license to have state sanctioned sex in the mail soon.

First we thought about J-P and C in Superior who could officiate, but since we were doing this ceremony for our parents we wanted someone they would "read" as official. Unfortunately, childhood friends never read as official.

So first we asked L (1), a friend in divinity school, who said she would be interested. It turns out she had a class/workshop thingy on the weekend of our marriage that she needed to graduate.

So we asked E (2), who said yes. But we did not hear from her for a while so we asked our friend M (3) to get a Universal Life Ministerial certificate just in case. M already had one but could not remember the date, so she started the process over.

We thought about J-P and C again, but did not know their schedule and time was running short.

Then E contacts us and says that she was sick, but is willing to do the ceremony. Unfortunately, E is not legally empowered to marry us. Can M get registered in time? Maybe, maybe not.

We thought about driving up to Superior to get the official certificate after the ceremony, but we really wanted the certificate dated the same day as the ceremony.

So I found P (4), someone I've never met before but who is registered with the county and state to do marriages, who signed the marriage certificate Friday night in a coffeehouse in Uptown. He post-dated it for Sunday.

On Saturday evening, we meet with E to create the ceremony. Then we call M and tell her that E can do the ceremony. M is relieved.

Sunday morning, we get a call from E. She is too sick to do the ceremony. We wish her well, ask her to send us the completed ceremony, then panic. We can  not find M's phone number. Then she is not home.
Again J-P and C leap to mind, but the ceremony is two hours away.  Finally, we get a hold of M and she agrees to read the ceremony.

M officiates, All goes well and a good time is had by all. Everyone is well behaved including my mom.
We sign and the kiddos (D and J) witness. D is the legal witness, J is not.

It apparently takes a village to get us married.

We find out that mom is staying in the same hotel we planned to stay at. We go somewhere else for the night.

Current Mood: accomplished

10:49 pm - Sweating the details

So, we are getting married on Sunday. Yes, despite all  the doubts (of everyone  else) about whether we would actually get married, artcarheather and I are having a small family only gathering and ceremony on Sunday, June 8. We went down to a particular county service center and got our marriage license our official certificate (the one that gets mailed in), a plain souvenir certificate, and a fancy souvenir certificate that we paid a whole two dollars extra for. Unlike every other county in the state we got to take our certificates home rather than waiting five days for them to arrive in the mail.

After much discussion about who we wanted we selected someone and asked her officiate at our wedding. At the Haiku party at WisCon, I gave her a  note with this haiku on it:

Commitment couple
Joining people together
You officiate?

So we found out Thursday, yesterday, that our chosen officiant can not make legal marriages. So I hunted around and found someone who could legally sign the certificate. Tonight, in a coffee shop, he signed the certificate. It is post-dated for Sunday, so we will be legally married on the day we have our ceremony. All the paperwork is now taken care of and I am much relieved. He offered to sign the souvenir certificate,  but artcarheather said that our officiant should sign the souvenir certificate since she is the souvenir minister.

Tomorrow I pickup up my suit from the tailor. I will also be helping my future father-in-law work with the tailor to get his suit. There is some last minute tailoring that needs to be done. We may or may not go out to lunch with him. Then in  the evening we have a discussion about the ceremony with our officiant. I'm sure there are other things I'll be doing, but I can't remember them now.

Current Mood: excited

11:06 am - WisCon - in response to Rachel Moss

Rachel Moss as Zathlazip posted a commentary about WisCon 32 (2008) on SomethingAwful.com. At the moment you can find it here (about a quarter of the way down the page). This has generated a lot of commentary by the Wiscon community.

UPDATE: I tried to message hypersurfaces, but could not send Rachel a copy of this post.

When people are upset, generally, I am the voice of compassion and understanding. I try to show each side how the other has a point or at least a valid perspective. I try to bring more kindness into the world. But not today. Today it is time for some "tough love." Well, "love" is definitely not the right word and definitely not what I am feeling. "Tough truths" is a better description.

Rachel Moss,

Let me start with a platitude. "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone."

When I read your post to SomethingAwful, I saw ugliness. Not in the pictures you posted, but in the words you wrote. You updated your post several times, so you had many chances to edit or revise your words. We were at the same panels. Indeed, I am in one of your pictures. However, what you wrote had only the faintest resemblance to my memory of what happened. Some of your facts are correct and some are incredibly incorrect, but all your emotional perceptions do not match any other attendees' perceptions. Apparently you heard what you wanted to hear, not what was said. The ugliness you perceived was within you, not in the panel participants.

I've looked at the WisCon pictures. They match my impression of WisCon. Smart, happy people of all genders and sizes enjoying themselves. Some are hugging, cuddling, or kissing in the public appropriate manner. If you can't see the beauty in the photos, I sure saw it when I was there. You apparently missed the oft repeated point of the "Fat Sex" panel which is that happiness, being comfortable in oneself, and positive self-esteem are sexy. I think that your problem with WisCon is not that there are people whose size you disapprove of, but that there are people whose size you disapprove of who are happier, more attractive, and more sexually active/fulfilled than you will ever be. You said you attend WisCon because "I remember how much I hate my fellow women ..."* I think that hatred is only a reflection of how you feel about yourself. You may have "eating disordered" yourself into "the right shape," but your internal dislike and low self-esteem have not gone away. Until you deal with these root problems, they will eat away at your life.

Which is why I say "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone." WisCon participants will rage, post, discuss, and get over their mad. The person I feel most sorry for is your bride-to-be.

OhPun

* Coming from a feminist convention where language is very important and people sometimes say "ovular" rather than "seminal," I'm only going to wince at how wrong the term "fellow women" is.

Current Mood: irritated

11:13 pm - Adjectives as political indicators

What I mean is that adjectives tell what the speaker finds unusual. For example (the common example) in the U.S. of A. some people (not me of course) might say they go to a woman doctor. This implies that doctors are not normally women. In Russia, where most doctors are  women (and poorly paid), this would be a strange qualification to doctor. From the cemetery comes another example, caring father, which implies that fathers who care are a rare thing  to have. So in the politics of language usage, adjectives indicate the unusual or something not expected or some difference worthy of noticing.

With this in mind, I was reading Lavender (Issue 335 March 28-April 10, 2008) page 14, A Word in Edgewise by E. B. Boatner,
who wrote:

In her forthcoming book The Compassionate Carnivore, author Catherine Friend, a Minnesota lesbian sheepherder, ...